she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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