seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
