you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
