I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
do nipples grow back?
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