Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
