There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
