Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
