Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
