I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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