Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize