I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
