Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
