I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I would ride that face into the sunset
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
