There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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