Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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