I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
