So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize