I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
