she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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