just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
