I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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