I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
