I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
