Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
