True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
