I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
