Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
