My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
