perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
