you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
