Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
not ubering you a puppy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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