I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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