Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
