how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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