happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
