how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
