i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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