I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
