we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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