all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
