pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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