If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
