Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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