cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
