Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Randomize
