I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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