But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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