weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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