Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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