He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
