i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dicks are not precious.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize