I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
