Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I looked at my own cervix.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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