"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ugly people sure do ruin things
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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