umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
