Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
