There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm passing your future prison.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
