Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I came so hard my ears popped.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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