the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
