were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
