You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
