Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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