Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize