i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
