i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
